[the space cadet]

Yes, there was a Chuck Norris cartoon

True Facts About Chuck Norris

In no particular order of importance or deadliness:

- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

- Chuck Norris counted to infinite... twice.

- Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he understands is the element of surprise.

- They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anyone.

- When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette, then finishes the roundhouse kick.

- There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

- Chuck Norris discovered a way to make his penis 10 inches long. He folded it in half.

- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

- Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's simply by writing "Chuck Norris" for every answer.

- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

- Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

- When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris

- Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

- When Chuck Norris has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women



- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

- Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight. The knife lost.

- Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

- The adjective "perfect" originated when Chuck Norris gave his penis a nickname.

- Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Gary Kasparov in a game of chess. When Chuck Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out so he gets the pleasure.

- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

- Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

- There's no use crying over spilled milk. Unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.

- The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

- Chuck Norris doesn't dial wrong phone numbers, people answer the wrong phone.

[Shimus_Darkraven]

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[Spherii]

...Wow, never heard of those yet,

Approved.

[Conduit]

Well, the list managed to get a chuckle out of me.

[Spectre456]

This would be so much funnier if I hadn't read a list ten times this size somewhere else. It was in Spanish though.

[TheChaosLegion]

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[Darkchao45]

Originally Posted by Spectre456

This would be so much funnier if I hadn't read a list ten times this size somewhere else.

Yeah, I think there was an entire site dedicated to this. I remember getting some good laughs back in Middle School...

[the space cadet]

*enters thread*



*leaves thread*

[sozen]

Chuck Norris write his name with pee in the sand, but in cement instead.

[Nel]

good old times.