[minalb]

Watch out for these new viruses - Neither Symantec or McAfee have solutions as yet!


The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The Ronald Reagan Virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 150 GB.

The Jack Kevorkian Virus - Deletes all old files.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."


"We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

[fullmetalmax]

this thread should be active today dont u think its April fools day !!

[Tiggerz]

This thread is hereby hijacked in honour of our very own Rintintin... Post Aways ...

[RinVonStark]

Decided to post a few jokes parodying my upcoming book (hahahahaha will take time). Was bored, I know.

Whoever spots all the references (if not all, the one who spots most of them) gets a cookie and a custom title (sucky reward for all the effort, I know). Most of them are obvious, some require a bit of thinking. PM me (not visitor messages) with the answers, I'll post them later (the answers with screen-shots, to make sure nobody accuses anyone of foul play).

-----------------------------

Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 1 - Guilty of Wincest) T:


Selene: Rin, are you cheating on me with your sister?
Rin: Scheiße, no!
Selene: Yes, you are!
Rin: No.
Selene: Yes.
Rin: No.
Selene: Yes.
Rin: No.
Selene: Yes.
Rin: No.
Selene: No.
Rin: Yes.......FICK!



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 2 - The Fail Apprentice) R:


Elian: Use a bloody Binding Poem!
Recruit: The Bidding Poem? There's no such thing!
Elian: BINDING!
Recruit: Oh, the poem where I summon ribbons of dark matter?
Elian: Yes, that one!
Recruit: The same one that is used to tie the targets up?
Elian, YEAH, USE IT!
Recruit: The one where I need to use one level 3 Power Circle and 4 Magni Charges?
ELIAN: DO IT NOW!
Recruit: The one that Torch used on you to humiliate you and escape from between your fingers?
Elian: YES! Just fucking do it before I go nuts!!
Recruit: Sorry, I don't know how to do it.
Elian: This plot is a load of bollocks...



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 3 - A long time ago, in a series far far away) E:


Alyssa (comm link): Guys, get ready. The sensors have pinpointed the location of 4 unionist squads. Go silent and use melee. DM blades out.
Soldier 1: I thought these were called lightsabers.
Soldier 2: Hell no, these are monomolecular knives.
Soldier 3: I prefer laser blades.
Sergeant: They are fucking light swords!
Elian: You guys are retarded...
Alyssa (comm link): *sigh*



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 4 - Your incest won't pierce through the heavens) M:


Myra: YES! YES! MORE! HARDER! FASTER! DEEPER! PIERCE IT!
Rin: Never seen a girl get so excited over a series about a guy with drills....Wait a second.... Kacke...



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 5 - Deep Love is a beautiful thing) B:


Selene: Hello again, my love! We are finally re-united under the stars!
Rin: And I'm about to kill you, again.
Selene: Why would you do that, my dear? I know that, deep inside, you can't live without me...
Rin: I couldn't care less about you. I want my sister back! And you will burn!
Selene: You want me, not her. And if you choose me this time, I'll let you have her while she's under my control. You can do anything to us both. We'll be yours.
Rin: Never! I want her like she was befo- Wait a second, did you say both?
Selene: *nods*
Rin: Fuck yeah! I always knew free will was overrated!



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 6 - Hopefully, someone covers wars) L:


Rin: Let me get this straight: a fat guy in the mall told you you looked emo.
Myra: Yeah.
Rin: And then he walked away.
Myra: Yup *nods*.
Rin: So you butchered everyone in the mall except him and infused them with dark matter so they'd become ravaging creatures without sense of mercy.
Myra: Huh huh.
Rin: Just to show him the meaning of fear, dread and misery?
Myra: I-I guess.
Rin: And then you locked the mall up and left him in there...
Myra: ... Did I do bad?
Rin: No, no. Some random guy with a camera will clean all the shit up, don't worry.



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 7 - Did she died?) E:


Karl: Reed, I got some bad news...
Elian: Is it about Aly-
Karl: Your house burned down. But that's not all!
Elian: Is Alys-
Karl: Your Agent status has been revoked.
Elian: I don't care about that! Is she okay? Alyss-
Karl: She? Your SUV? Nop, she's wrecked.
Elian: I mean Alyssa!?!?!
Karl: Oh, she's dead, don't worry.
Elian: *sadpanda*



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 8 - Trinity is plagiarism) R:


Trinity Guard Commander: Retract the city; it's our only chance.
Technician: Retract the city? Where did the writer get that idea? A city that goes below the ground?
TG Commander: No, no. the city is divided in 5 parts: 4 Wing cities and the Core city. When the city is retracted, the Wing cities stand above the ground and the Core stays protected below.
Technician: That sounds like something I've seen somewhere else...
TG Commander: No, you haven't. It's totally new. When it's not retracted, it looks like a beautiful flower, with the Core city in the centre and the Wing cities around it.
Technician: Oh, I remember where the idea came from! It's from an animation from around 90 years ago. The writer of this book probably got lazy and tried to-
TG Commander: I'm sorry, I didn't want to do this but you're under arrest.
Technician: ON WHAT CHARGES?!?!
TG Commander: Breaking the fourth wall. And making the writer look like a retard with no imagination.



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 9 - S&M.... Maybe just M) V:


Rin: So you're moving forward... Well, even if you're doomed to fail, I'll join you.
Elian: Wait, wait, wait! You know I'll fail, and will end up dead. And by dead, I mean DEAD, FUCKING DEAD, GONE, NEVER TO APPEAR AGAIN! And if you come with me, you'll die too. A painful death, full of screams... And pain! Did I tell you about the pain? And you still wanna join me? Even after knowing I'll fail and we'll both die? Why the fuck would you do that?!?!
Rin: I'm a masochist.
Elian: ... I give up...



Random Unfunny Parody Lines from yours truly, RVS (Part 10 - Teh Plot Thickens!!) S:


Director: ... I was trying to give humanity hope against its enemies. But he ruined it all! You and that Torch were gonna be the spearhead of humanity's power but that man took all the hope away. We will fall. Agent Reed, Mr. Valentine: he can't be stopp- What are you two doing?
Rin: This shit is bitchin', bro!
Elian: Told you I grew some nice weed.... Hey, Director?
Director: What?
Elian: Hey, Director.
Director: What?!
Elian: Problem, Director?
Director: .......Ballz.

That is all.

[TTally]

A man inserted an ad in the classified: ''Wife wanted.'' Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ''You can have mine.''

[TTally]

Ron was in big trouble with his wife. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Naturally his wife was livid. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ron has been missing since Friday.

[vega427]

A Central Michigan Univ, A Michigan State Univ, and a University of Michigan students were walking along a rural road when they came apon a dead woman lying naked in the ditch. Out of respect they took of their collegate hats and covered her breasts and crotch. The police arrived and started recording the scene. The students stood to the side, watching the moruge tech working the body. The tech lifted the MSU hat, covering one breast, looked for a moment, put it back and made a few notes. Then, he did the same with the CMU hat, covering the other breast. Lastly, he picked up the U of M hat, covering her crotch, put it back down and stopped in place. Then he quickly picked it back up and a look of dismay crossed his face. Not sure what to think, he leaned in closer to get a better look. Seeing this, the CMU student called out, "What the hell are you doing?!" To this the tech replied, " I'm not sure what to think here, usually it's an asshole you find under a U of M hat".