[Shades]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” asked the son.“Yes”, replied dad, “you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of male dicks are there?”

The mother smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his twenties, his dick is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” inquired the daughter.

“Yes”, responded the mother.

“Totally dead from the roots up and the balls are purely for decoration!!

source:
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[cotsiost]

lol'd at this one

[DeathMonkey]

And this is why I don't want to grow old

[Ryuujin]

lol

[Allstar]

good joke XD
btw there is a jokes thread in the authors corner next time use that one to spare the admins/mods some work ^^

[Anoody]

lol..

[Shrapnel]

I heard this long ago.

How many it takes to screw a lightbulb for jamaican?

2, one would be holding the lightbulb and the other one would be smoking and making the room spin.

[Retrorock]

Originally Posted by Shrapnel

I heard this long ago.

How many it takes to screw a lightbulb for jamaican?

2, one would be holding the lightbulb and the other one would be smoking and making the room spin.

I don't get this one.

[Shrapnel]

^ For that joke's stereotyping how Jamaicans are usually chilled and smoking marijuana. Sorry it wasn't a good joke.

There were a cow and her calves in the field enjoying the day. one of her calf asks the cow,
"Mum, why did you name me Snow?
She replies, "Because it was snowing when you were born."
and then another calf asks, "Mum why did you name me Leaf?"
She replies, "Because the leaves were falling from the tree when you were born."
Finally, one of the calf says, "Mmmmmuh."
The cow snaps, "Shut up Bricks."

[TTally]

Originally Posted by Shrapnel

^ For that joke's stereotyping how Jamaicans are usually chilled and smoking marijuana. Sorry it wasn't a good joke.

There were a cow and her calves in the field enjoying the day. one of her calf asks the cow,
"Mum, why did you name me Snow?
She replies, "Because it was snowing when you were born."
and then another calf asks, "Mum why did you name me Leaf?"
She replies, "Because the leaves were falling from the tree when you were born."
Finally, one of the calf says, "Mmmmmuh."
The cow snaps, "Shut up Bricks."

Ha.... I get it..... Ha.... had to think but....... Haa....

"Two Martinis, bitte."
"Dry?"
"Nein, I said TWO!"
(Dry= Drei, which means 2 in german) Drei = 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Save The World's Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants would not need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton