[Baka Baka]

#1: That's too much... Too much. >:
This isn't ecchi anymore... It's like... 0.1cm into Hentai... >.<
The story was good though, and the spacing was beautiful. It made mi want to continue reading. The ending left mi hanging. :3


#2: PLEASEUSESPACES! God... You know how hard it was for mi to read it? The motivation to read was there, but I clench my teeth and finished it. 7000 words with so little paragraph and compact words... Is it so difficult to space? Please space on your next Ssotm. Don't try to put 3 paragraph worth of words into one paragraph. You're going to throw off your readers.

The ecchi scenes feel forced too. Well... Some of them... The pastries one was pulled off good. I never thought of that one.

The story was good too, even though there are some words in there that I didn't understand and there are times where I don't bother re-reading. I don't know where to re-read either.

Btw, what did you do to Azusa?!

Overall, good Ssotm. I should have used more time to do this Ssotm, but I spend the final day finishing it. Didn't bother editing or re-reading. If I had known that the other entries are this good, I wouldn't have done the three ending thingy. I would have choosed one and branch out on that... Blame my laziness if you must... It causes my downfall.

And yes... I go for entry #2 because well... I felt that #1 went overboard. =x


Anyway... I am glad that there are people who would vote for mi... I was thinking that if I didn't have any votes this time round, I wouldn't even bother doing the next Ssotm...

What's wrong with my story anyway... Did I choose something wrong? Why do I go for things people don't really like? Is my way of thinking... Different? That's what I am thinking every time...

[TTally]

Originally Posted by Baka Baka

What's wrong with my story anyway... Did I choose something wrong? Why do I go for things people don't really like? Is my way of thinking... Different? That's what I am thinking every time...

You were three? I said I had issues with "Oni-chan" because of bad memories plus "my Oni-Chan" seemed too used. I understood who he was the first time, but I take the subsequent ones as a re-reinforcement of her love for her "brother". I just didn't overall care fore the story/word choices. I suggest using all titles in Japanese next time vrs. the few you chose.

[Duratrix]

It was a though choice between entry 1 & 2. =/
Anyway...

Congratulations Yellow!!