[Duratrix]

Potw #4 voting thread
Yay! More entries than last time. ^^

This weeks theme: Failure in love or Elegy

Voting rules:
You can only vote on one entry.
Voting for yourself is not allowed. Doing so will result in you being Disqualified.

Explaining your votes is much appreciated!!

Voting will end Sunday (?)

ENTRIES:

Entry 01 - Shrapnel:

( Click to show/hide )

Probably it is for the best,
that I forget it and move along
as outcome will be a winter,
desolate and consistently cold.

My mind is wandering again
and again to seek the mistakes
I might have made, unaware
of you sensed my weary stare.

All I ever need is warmth
I could escape from this sea
where the treacherous waves
grab me to board a sunken ship.

Here I am still holding
my breath, clutching the dream
I can come where you are
and treat this throbbing scar.

A thick wall between us,
I want it destroyed to pieces
at least I wish we remain
friends instead of memories.

Entry 02 - the space cadet:

( Click to show/hide )

The Diseuse

What would it matter to them,
all drunk, if you are wise?
What was so certain for
myself has now quickly
curtsied, apparently
exhausted from this all,
and departed like a
severed lily carried
slowly by black ripples.
Peruse in sleep, dreaming
concerned madrigals where
the loved and lovelorn must
reside side by side, and
you'll find every reason
to wake up shuddering.
Besides the empty cheers
still crawling through your head,
there's your clock's awful sound,
in continuity,
to remind you of your
secret disheartenment.

Entry 03 - Risuzu:

( Click to show/hide )

Breaking Point

Alone in her little world of love,
The girl knew nothing of the world above.
She thought of only how to help;
Rush to someone's aid if they let out a yelp.
She was as lovely as a dove.

That girl knew nothing of corruption
Or then of any kind of addiction.
That love which she showed to all,
Brought about many people’s fall.
Plans to make her their own, never coming to fruition.

As I walked through the wood,
I saw someone wearing a hood.
A man who could not show his face,
Ashamed of his fall from grace;
It is he who told me for the greater good...

"She doesn't care about anything;
But to help she's always trying.
Don't be lured in by her kindness,
'Lest your heart be consumed by darkness.
It seems she truly does enjoy you breaking."

"She will break everyone she meets."
He said describing her amazing feats.
I told him he was quite mad,
But the man said I was an ignorant lad.
"Like the rest, it's you she beats."

I left the man there alone;
"The lady could not be like a crone".
I went to her and she assured me;
I felt myself calmed and free.
But the man's warning was still in my bone...

"She doesn't care about anything;
But to help she's always trying.
Don't be lured in by her kindness,
'Lest your heart be consumed by darkness.
It seems she truly does enjoy you breaking."

The two of us laughed and played
For it was amazing what we had made.
I felt my attachment to her grow,
And she seemed in my eyes aglow.
So before her I had my heart laid.

She looked at me and a smile grew,
It was then that his words rang true.
"I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way for you."
The feeling in me shattered that she did imbue.
That man, how was it that he knew...

"She doesn't care about anything;
But to help she's always trying.
Don't be lured in by her kindness.
'Lest your heart be consumed by darkness.
It seems she truly does enjoy you breaking."

I went back to the wood once healed.
That man was there still now unveiled;
As I looked into his face it all made sense;
How could I have had such blindness?
The tears fell as I went into a kneel.

"You didn't even trust your own voice?"
It seemed he did not want to rejoice...
But he told me all would be alright
For eventually there would be a true light.
I remembered when the times came, his words of choice...

"She doesn't care about anything;
But to help she's always trying.
Don't be lured in by her kindness,
'Lest your heart be consumed by darkness.
It seems she truly does enjoy you breaking."

[Pilo]

I liked the whole poem but I enjoyed this phrase the most.

Peruse in sleep, dreaming
concerned madrigals where
the loved and lovelorn must
reside side by side

[Fatentity]

I failed to understand the first two.

#3 wins my vote for that reason + I also found what it talked about intriguing. Though some of it I still didn't understand.

I'm terrible and poetry lol.

[royalcicada]

i vote #3, i really liked #3..........especially this part

"She doesn't care about anything;
But to help she's always trying.
Don't be lured in by her kindness,
'Lest your heart be consumed by darkness.
It seems she truly does enjoy you breaking."

[Risuzu]

I like how number 2 flows.

[evereternal7]

I vote for #3

[Avamo]

yeah number 3 it is. Really looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong but good. nice work everyone else too!

[Spectre456]

I vote #3. it repeated the part royal likes too much for my taste but it was so good I can forget about that little detail.

[Duratrix]

Congratulations Risuzu on winning this!!

Please give the theme for the next potw.