[Chevalier]

some pessimistic poetry for you, tell me what you think


Has the world changed, since the last time I looked through its window/
Once I clapped heavy at the sight of this kingdom, but the tune has faded and the king lost his right to be singing/

Why do we linger/

Why do I feel like everyone has been bashed to the emptiness, has our human nature sucked our last task?/
Our only bit of strength has admittedly lost, the one important piece that has stuck with us, gone!/

That's it! Its gone/

It's gone with the wind, I have never seen anything run this fast away/
We are neglecting the past away, and the future, oh, please, what future?/
God has prayed for the prey, but is there a day goes by where you close your eyes and pay back what you promised to pay!/

There is no sequel, you can't recreate what you never had/

And so I stare at the window, I've stopped thinking, and I've stopped believing/
Because I am just like you, I am trapped in a time line with no beginning/
I can't put a meaning to what I am hearing or seeing/
For I know, for a fact, once I am gone, my dreams will live on and the king will stop singing./

wow 2 hours has gone by fast i enjoy writing stuff, feedback would be much appreciated

[shiningscorpion9]

your poetry idea is pretty good and have a philosopher vision including wise words but
you have some draw bakes 1 it is not organized well 2 it some how unbalanced
3 the music is very limited the ending well it dose not actually fit so try harder
and if Shakespeare read or hear this he will probably scream from laughing cuz you
are ignoring important poetry rules nice work any way

[Chevalier]

here maybe this will help, you have to pardon me, i came down with a cold and so my voice is a little rusty

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[zainali]

Originally Posted by shiningscorpion9

your poetry idea is pretty good and have a philosopher vision including wise words but
you have some draw bakes 1 it is not organized well 2 it some how unbalanced
3 the music is very limited the ending well it dose not actually fit so try harder
and if Shakespeare read or hear this he will probably scream from laughing cuz you
are ignoring important poetry rules nice work any way

You ignore literary rules when writing normal sentences... just saying.

[Avamo]

Its very well written but there is room for improvement in the second stanza.