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Default The Dardnest Thing - 10-08-2011, 01:22 PM

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Chapter 1 - It’s Never Too Early for Future Planning

Carol was walking home after school when she saw the boys of her class playing football in the playground. But she was truly looking only at Irvin because she was sure that the beating of her heart whenever she saw him meant that she was victim of the romance of fall season. Carol let out a small sigh in awe when she saw the sweat droplets flying around him reflecting in the light of the setting sun. He was so manly.

‘What are you looking at, Carol?’

‘June!’ Carol started. ‘Don’t sneak up on me like that!’

‘What are you looking at?’ June repeated while chowing down on a candy bar.

‘I was just looking at my future husband,’

‘Husband?’ June raised her eyebrow. ‘We are still in third grade, you dummy.’

‘Don’t call me dummy!’ Carol retorted. ‘My father always tells my mother that one must plan for the future.’

‘Future?’

‘Yes,’ Carol nodded feeling important, ‘my father said we must plan for the future so that we can always be secure whenever there are floods or earthquakes or recess.’

‘You mean recession. And who is going to be your husband?’ June enquired uninterestedly.

‘Irvin,’ Carol said pointing at him with pride.

‘Does he know that he is going to be your husband?’

‘O-Of course not,’ Carol reddened. ‘H-How could he? I-I still haven’t told him.’

‘Then I guess you didn’t plan enough,’ June said yawning.

‘W-What do you mean?’ Carol said listening closely as she looked so wise when giving advice.

‘Well, he is popular in class and he might become the husband of someone else if you aren’t careful.’

‘You mean another girl will sweep him off his feet?’

‘Yes, because she might plan even further for her future and secure it before anyone else would.’

‘No, it can’t be!’ Carol was terrified.

‘What will you do now?’

‘What should I do?’ Carol begged pulling June’s sleeve. ‘Please tell me June! I don’t want other girls to get ahead of me.’

‘Propose to him.’

‘Propose?’

‘Yes, tell him that you love him and that you are ready to marry him.’
‘B-But what if he says no?’

‘Hard luck,’ June said looking at the dragonflies flying around her.


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Last edited by vinamara; 10-08-2011 at 01:39 PM..
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Default 10-08-2011, 01:23 PM

‘June, I beg you! Help me out!’

‘Well, okay.’

‘Thank you!’

‘First of all you need to know that the shortest route to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means that if you want to become a good wife then you must know how to cook, and if you show promising skills as a cook then Irvin will be impressed.’

‘B-But I don’t know anything about cooking!’ said Carol panicking.

‘Ask your mother.’

‘She never lets me into the kitchen.’

‘Then join the cooking club.’

‘The cooking club?’ Carol wondered for a minute then said, ‘it might work!’


The Next Day

‘Why do I have to come to the cooking club with you?’ June said eating a sandwich during lunch hour at school.

‘Please,’ Carol pleaded, ‘because you know that upperclassman, don’t you? I heard that he gives you freebies sometimes because you drool outside the club door.’

‘Where did you hear that?’ said June the anger in her voice noticeable.

‘I’ll tell you if you come with me,’ Carol dealt cleverly.

‘Right now?’

‘Yes, they seem to be having two free periods so they are utilizing the clubroom right now.’

‘Fine, fine,’ Carol said getting up from her desk.

They came to the clubroom and Carol could smell something really good being cooked, and she saw June salivating helplessly beside her when she opened the door.

‘Um, excuse me,’ Carol said tugging the skirt of one of the girls who was cutting lettuce.

‘Oh,’ the girl looked down and said, ‘what is it, little one?

‘Can I speak with the president of this club?’

‘That would be him,’ the girl pointed. ‘Do you want me to introduce him to you?’

‘If you please,’ Carol said bowing.

‘Cale,’ the girl called interrupting him while he was explaining when to stir the beef stew to one of the girls. ‘This girl here wants to talk to you.’

‘Who?’ Cale asked looking around.

‘Pleased to meet you,’ Carol said politely. ‘I’m Carol Cooper from the third grade.’

‘Why hello—I’m Cale,’ greeted Cale looking down. ‘And what brings you to our gastronomy club, young lady?’

‘Astronomy club?’ Carol was confused.

‘Gastronomy club,’ Cale corrected.

‘I’m sorry,’ Carol apologized. ‘I must have come to the wrong club—I thought this was the cooking club.’


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Default 10-08-2011, 01:23 PM

‘It means the cooking club in other words, dear,’ Cale smiled.

‘How can I know if you use difficult words?’ Carol steamed.

‘You want to join the club?’ Cale said impressed that such a little girl wanted to cook.

‘I shall consider joining when my husband likes what I make.’

‘What?!’ Cale shouted as all the girls who were engaged in their respective activities turned around to see what was happening.

Carol blushed and said, ‘I mean, he will be my husband if I make something tasty for him because June said that the shortest route to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’

‘Don’t you think you’re taking the shortest route to wedding a little too early?’ the girl who introduced Carol to Cale said in a fit of giggle. ‘You are in third grade, I mean.’

‘Wait, Cindy,’ Cale said composing himself. ‘I think she has the correct motivation.’

‘You’re going to take her under your wing then?’ Cindy asked finding Cale more irresistible seeing him being so considerate of children.

‘She gets to decide that,’ Cale said then looked at Carol. ‘Alright Carol, I’ll teach you to cook so good that any boy would become your husband if he eats what you made.’

‘No, no, no!’ Carol shook her head furiously. ‘Only Irvin will become my husband.’

‘Very loyal, don’t you think Cale?’ one of the other girls said.

‘Nice motivation and loyalty are the markings of a nice cook,’ Cale said encouragingly. ‘Now let’s put it to the test.’


One Hour Later


‘They’re done,’ Carol beamed when she heard the ping sound of the microwave oven. Carol wore mittens and took out the steaming tray which was filled with a batch that apparently looked like cookies.

‘Let’s see,’ Cale came over and took a look at the black crisp hardened stones and uttered, ‘gak! What is this?’

‘What do you mean?’ Carol said crossly. ‘They’re cookies of course.’

‘More like charcoal burnt cookies,’ Cindy said skeevily.

‘Um, Carol,’ Cale said gulping. ‘Did you let them bake properly like I told you to?’

‘It was boring to wait that’s why I set the timer to ten minutes at 640 degrees Fahrenheit.’

‘Just because I told you to bake at 320f for twenty minutes?’ said Cale terrified.

‘She halved the time by doubling the temperature!’ Cindy said in disbelief.

‘I’m good at mathematics, aren’t I?’ Carol said smugly raising her chin.

‘Thank goodness I didn’t tell her to bake at 500f for twenty minutes!’ Cale breathed.

‘That’s easy,’ Carol said cheerfully. ‘It means 1000f for—’

‘No!’ Cale and Cindy stopped her from spouting sacrilege. June, who was munching away anything within her reach wasn’t aware of the others at all.


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Default 10-08-2011, 01:24 PM

‘Would you please taste them for me?’ Carol asked Cale earnestly.

Even Cale could tell what would happen if he refused and it wasn’t the first time he had to eat something charcoal colored, no thanks to his sister. Cale took one from the tray and put it in his mouth.

Cindy and the other girls couldn’t watch as Cale tried to chew if at all possible. And five seconds later he said holding back his tears, ‘It was good, but it still needs some work.’

‘Really?’ Carol was elated. ‘Then I guess I can share my very first batch with all of you!’

Everyone’s expression darkened with fear but Cale shouted, ‘No, you can’t!’

‘But why not?’ Carol asked not understanding.

‘Because I like them very much!’ said Cale as he stuffed the rest of the four cookies into his mouth one after another.

All the girls were drawn in by Cale’s courageous sacrifice as he became more tempting for them.

‘But I wanted to share them with everyone,’ Carol said disheartened.

‘Carol,’ Cale said holding his pained stomach. ‘Do you really think Irvin will be happy with just this much? You have to work harder until I say ‘excellent’. And that’s when he’ll be really impressed, and other girls won’t be able to get him—’ at this rate she‘ll get him for good that’s for sure.

After many tries, with each try Cale decreasing the quantity of batter, Carol managed to produce one single cookie intact. Cale could tell by looking at the color and texture of the cookie that it was edible.

‘I think you should gift that to Irvin,’ Cale said graciously.

‘But it’s only one cookie,’ Carol said disappointedly.

‘It’s the thought that counts,’ Cale empathized, ‘and if he really likes you, he won’t complain and eat that cookie as if it’s the best ever made.’

‘Oh,’ Carol was pleased.

‘Okay, I’ll wrap it up in a nice poly-bag and you can give it to Irvin.’

‘Thank you very much teacher,’ Carol bowed.

Cale smiled and said, ‘Thank me after you see Irvin’s happy face when he eats the cookie.’

‘I will.’

Carol along with June headed for the football ground outside where they knew Irvin would be playing around this time. When Carol reached the ground she searched for Irvin among the boys playing soccer but she couldn’t spot him. ‘Where do you think he is, June?’ Carol asked.

‘Carol watch out!’ June screamed.

Carol turned around and saw the wayward soccer ball zooming towards her at a great speed and she knew that her face was going to be flattened by it, but there was no time to dodge. Irvin came flying towards Carol and grabbed her, pushing her to the ground as his elbows and his back skidded on the harsh soil.

Carol opened her eyes slowly and saw that Irvin had protected her but before she could react, the other boys came and huddled to see what had happened. One of them lifted Irvin up and said, ‘I’ll take him to the infirmary.’


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Default 10-08-2011, 01:25 PM

‘Thanks, Tyler,’ Irvin said putting his arm across Tyler’s shoulder letting him carry.

In a minute the boys dispersed and when Carol came to senses she became frantic. ‘June, did you see that?!’

‘It was very cool of him,’ June commented simply.

‘Not that, I mean that!’ Carol said worriedly pointing towards a bunch of girls who were spectators to the whole scene. ‘They saw it all and all of them think that Irvin is cool! This just upped the competition for me!’

‘Is that the point you should be making right now?’ June said raising her eyebrow.

‘I have to bring this cookie to him right now or else I might fall behind other pesky girls who want to marry Irvin!’ saying that Carol dragged June to the infirmary.

As they entered the room they saw Miss Ruby treating Irvin’s wound by applying antiseptic and Tyler was watching her standing beside him. Carol came forward and showing Irvin the cookie said, ‘Irvin, I made this for you.’

‘It’s only one cookie,’ Tyler said but not in a nasty manner.

‘No,’ Irvin said acting like a gentleman. ‘She still made it for me, so I will accept it with gratitude.’

Carol was glad that her chance to propose would come when Irvin ate the cookie.

When Irvin finished eating the cookie he said, ‘It was well made, Carol—thanks.’

‘Now, will you marry me?’ Carol said not wasting any time.

‘M-Marry?!’ Irvin freaked out and Miss Ruby tried to watch calmly to see how it would turn out.

‘Yes,’ Carol said lighting up. ‘You liked my cooking, right? Now you know that I can become a good wife than anyone else—so will you marry me?’

When Irvin determined that Carol was serious he laughed out loud.

Carol was unsure why he was laughing as she asked, ‘What’s so funny, Irvin?’

Irvin controlled himself and said, ‘Are you crazy, Carol? We are still third graders! We can’t marry when we are underage!’

‘B-But I was just planning for the future!’

Future?’ Irvin burst out laughing again as he asked, ‘have you planned anything for tomorrow’s important test?’

Carol’s eyes widened as she cried, ‘Oh no!’


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