[AldNonymous]

darkness falling
land storming
cold biting suck breath out
scream for the lack of courage
fear has come

on the devil's night
on the devil's night
blood has become a wine on a party
bodies lying on the floor

oh on the devils night
at the devils night a..a a..a
dancer swing around like a whore
bitches screaming like its no ends


owh say it loud say it loud
we have no meaning on that world
we just a slave of our passion
seduced each other so they fade from the god hands

forgive lord for our sin
this is insane i know its insane
please bring me a live with your light
give me love like i never feel what its like

on the devil's night
on the devil's night
blood has become a wine on a party
bodies lying on the floor

oh on the devils night
at the devils night a..a a..a
dancer swing around like a whore
bitches screaming like its no ends

angel pass by
swing his feather around
and i'm hang on his feet and fly away

on the devil's night
on the devil's night
blood has become a wine on a party
bodies lying on the floor

oh on the devils night
at the devils night a..a a..a
dancer swing around like a whore
bitches screaming like its no ends

[Khalim]

Wow, i only casually stumbled on this post, but this is terrible, atrocious even. My only question is why? Why write something like this in a language you clearly aren't proficient in, and on a public forum to boot?

And what's wrong with kids nowadays, typing about darkness and death, devils and despair from their cozy suburban rooms as if they were composing high poetry or sharing some deep message with the world...

Whatever you were trying to accomplish, take my unbiased advice: you are doing it in the worst possible way.

Frankly, i'm shocked. Is this common around here?

[AldNonymous]

Originally Posted by Khalim

Wow, i only casually stumbled on this post, but this is terrible, atrocious even. My only question is why? Why write something like this in a language you clearly aren't proficient in, and on a public forum to boot?

And what's wrong with kids nowadays, typing about darkness and death, devils and despair from their cozy suburban rooms as if they were composing high poetry or sharing some deep message with the world...

Whatever you were trying to accomplish, take my unbiased advice: you are doing it in the worst possible way.

Frankly, i'm shocked. Is this common around here?

this just art... not something that come from my personality...

[digritz]

Originally Posted by AldNonymous

this just art... not something that come from my personality...

Don't be ridiculous. It's your art if it came from you. Or are you saying you simply plagiarized this? Maybe you pulled it out of the toilet? Look it shouldn't matter weather it's good or not. Take responsibility for it and claim it as your own.

I have far less respect for someone who blows off work they created regardless weather it's bad or not.

For the record you do not have enough experience with the English language yet. Then again neither do most of the other self proclaimed poets here. It takes life and practice so keep at it.

[AldNonymous]

Originally Posted by digritz

Don't be ridiculous. It's your art if it came from you. Or are you saying you simply plagiarized this? Maybe you pulled it out of the toilet? Look it shouldn't matter weather it's good or not. Take responsibility for it and claim it as your own.

I have far less respect for someone who blows off work they created regardless weather it's bad or not.

For the record you do not have enough experience with the English language yet. Then again neither do most of the other self proclaimed poets here. It takes life and practice so keep at it.

lol... just think about it and pop... while smocking...

[muffin9124]

Please don't write anything ever again

[Asmi]

Why don't you ask one of the other poets to help you fix the grammer in this poem? It'll be a great poem if you fix it a bit. :]

[AldNonymous]

no i wouldn't

i'l keep it original...

[aimiko63]

nice.. reading your poem is like reading a song errors can still be fixed.. i just hope you wont feel discouraged by our comments.. rather, take our opinions as constructive criticisms.. (i often commit grammatical errors too )

[AldNonymous]

isn't that good...

the one who write it is me... so i don't care about others... actually...