[simo_keng]

Time for some ridiculously long story-telling poems. It's my 3rd(4th?) time trying to write semi-epic poems (if you can call it an epic lol), I don't do it much mainly because it drains me mentally trying to find words that rhyme and at the same time trying to tell a story. Therefore expect lameness.

As usual it's a love poem (lol) and the "lion's belly" is just a place where you can hang out where I live (internet cookies for those who figure out where I live lol)

With that out of the way, let the poeming begin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What would you say about love at first sight,
A fleeting peek that captures the heart,
A momentary blink that lifts you in flight,
A sudden passing that soons depart

I'd oft wonder myself how such can exist,
Until the day I caught with my eyes,
A girl so fine mine eyes did not resist,
From inside the belly where the lion lies

With swaying black hair like smooth velvet,
And eyes that sparkled with every blink,
Through the crowd you caused such alert,
As shoppers in wonder before you shrink

You held mine hands and pulled along,
As I followed blinded by your presence,
Your voice so melodious is like a song,
That vibrates through my very essence

Down the stairs and into the rink,
We donned our skates and stood awkwardly,
You looked so cute with your gloves so pink,
And those clumsy footsteps that stumbled unsteadily

As we danced together in the stage of ice,
I held your warm hand close to mine,
"No cheeky mischiefs or you'll pay the price",
You said with eyes that seem to shine,
We went round and round, twice and thrice,
As I felt a heat going up my spine,
Our skates slowly through the ice they slice,
While your laughter echoes so divine

"A break, I need a break!" you exclaimed with giggles,
As we got up from a tumble with laughter in our eyes,
I carried you out as you defied with wiggles,
Thrashing in my arms as you shouted with surprise,

"A drink would be nice" you said while twiddling your feet,
And we left the rink both with swollen bums,
"You'll be paying of course, a tat for a tit",
You pouted angrily while snuggling my arms,
Walking through the crowd your smile so sweet,
The crowd again stares from all your charms,
As I held you close and tight with conceit,
And smiled as we waded through the swarms

In Baskin Robbins we went and sat,
We shared a bananaboat with triple PB & choc,
Without any care we laughed and chat,
All the while our eyes at each other locked

"How about a movie now? T'would be a change of pace"
Again you trotted off as I finished the last bite
"You'd better hurry and give a good chase"
You called out to me with mischevious delight

Through the ceiling of stars we travelled across,
As we decided what we should watch for the day,
"Comedy, perhaps?" you asked with arms crossed,
"Or maybe a horror, ooh that'd be okay"

I shook my head as you laughed away,
And dragged me along into that spooky flick,
Oh how I shivered and stuttered in pure dismay,
As you laughed at my reactions at the slightest shriek

Ah how time flies as the credits finally come,
That soon from this place we would away,
I dread this moment and yet I keep mum,
For I know you've had a wonderful day

"Thanks for the lovely day" you said with a smile,
As we looked at each other between the lion's paws,
"I'll look forward to more, so remember to dial,"
"Or else I'll whine and show you my claws!"

As you walked away into the dazzling night,
I stared in amazement at the figure so bright,
You glow with radiance like no other light,
That none can compare, none so quite

And so I ask if it truly does exist,
A love so perfect you fall at first sight,
Because if I may so be inclined to insist,
Everytime I see that girl, it's love at first sight


By Ota_Nyan


Okay it isn't THAT epic, but it's still mentally tiring. lolz at the Baskin Robbins reference. I used to love the peanut butter and choc flavour but I lost my love for it a few months ago.

Oh, do point out anywhere you feel can be better. I need some good whipping up since I haven't posted here in awhile. My mistress (Tohsaka) doesn't arrive til May, and Miku doesn't really do tongue-lashing, so I'm sort of getting slacky in my life.

[Sid Greene]

It was fun and better than epic! Rather long I honestly say but romantically fun. I have a suggestion but not a serious one.

You held mine hands and pulled along,
As I followed blinded by your very presence,
Your voice so melodious is like a song,
That vibrates through my very essence

changed to That tingles through my every miku senses

Almost the same as my "My Miku senses are tingling"

I like the last parts...

"Thanks for the lovely day" you said with a smile,
As we looked at each other between the lion's paws,
"I'll look forward to more, so remember to dial,"
"Or else I'll whine and show you my claws!"

As she walked away into the dazzling night,
I stared in amazement at the figure so bright,
She glows with radiance like no other light,
That none can compare, none so quite

And so I ask you if it truly does exist,
A love so perfect you fall at first sight,
Because if I may so be inclined to insist,
Everytime I see her, it's love at first sight


It's nice to see you back! Nice work!

[simo_keng]

okay just realized I kept going between "you" and "she" after re-reading it with fresh eyes. took care of that. Also changed the structure abit, some lines were shorter than they were longer (what?)

that change would actually suit me hey Sid lol. Me and my Mikus....

Been busy with this and that, and also haven't been inspired lately. blame a 9-6 work lol. gah I'm gonna be late

[aimiko63]

nice the rhyming words are "alternating"? hehe is it the right term

[simo_keng]

Originally Posted by aimiko63

nice the rhyming words are "alternating"? hehe is it the right term

I have NO idea lol, but yeah it goes abab I find this the hardest format for rhyming

except for the 2nd last paragraph, which practically goes aaaa lol

[aimiko63]

oh i see

[simo_keng]

thanks for reading btw aimiko X3 it's just a playful piece of some imaginary girl in my mind (lol)

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]


hey I just realized I've been upgraded from a lurker to a cookie!
should I be happy about that?

[aimiko63]

Originally Posted by simo_keng

thanks for reading btw aimiko X3 it's just a playful piece of some imaginary girl in my mind (lol)

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]


hey I just realized I've been upgraded from a lurker to a cookie!
should I be happy about that?

^what pic is that

[Sid Greene]

Hey I have the same thing under my name . What's a cookie?

[simo_keng]

@aimiko : that my friend is the emblem of all who are lonely... lol

@Sid : no idea. guess instead of lurkers we're now cookies.

I submitted this piece for a valentines competition, and I got 1 of 15 $500 jewellery voucher! yayness!