[Squiggy]

One day.
One meeting.
A million questions, no answers.
Can you face reality?
People say, reality is what you make of it.
But can you distinguish reality from what is real?
Is it real what you call reality?
Can you fight for your reality to make it come real?
Can you?
Are you able to fight your reasoning and abandon it for a loved one?
Even if you can, do you know what's next now that fantasy has become reality?
------------------------------

Index:

Part1:
1.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
2.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
3.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
4.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
5.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
6.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
7.A) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
7.B) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
8.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
9.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
10.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
11.A) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
11.B) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
12.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Part II:
1.A) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
1.B) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
2.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
3.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
4.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
5.) [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

---------------------------------
I chapterized it and continue to write every few days until I don't feel like it anymore.
Some of you already know the way this goes after reading the first chapter and what I based it on
Onwards from ch03, it's pretty obvious.
This story is pure fiction, do note that events happening in my story are going to be unreal, somewhat distracting and maybe arousing.

[Squiggy]

I went to college.
It was a cold day in winter, my hands felt like the icicles hanging down from my house as I left.
Not wanting to say or think about anything, I took my way into another, static day just as it had been for the last weeks.
I was depressed but did not know the reason for my feelings nor could I express them.
"To whom" I thought, smirked a little and moved on.
The sun rose and gave the freezing atmosphere a warm touch.
My scarf yet couldn't protect me from a sudden gust of wind, nor could I cover my head from the blown up snow and the next thing I knew was that I hated winter.
I brushed the cold off my shoulders, looked around a bit.
There was noone to be seen at this time on the streets surrounding me.
It had always been like that since I moved here.

I was 22 years old, just got applied to college after I gave up on uni and worked for a pittance for half a year.
This was supposed to be my chance, yet, why did I feel so empty?
Why was I not like my classmates, full of energy, all wanting to accomplish something?
For me, my daily schedule pissed me off, rather than being joyful about it,
I wanted to stay home, regardless if summer or winter; I wanted to - what did I want to do?

It made no sense to think about it, thus I started to move again when I got blinded by a bright sunshine.
I stood still, recovering my eyes.
When the black had turned back to the normal view I hated and yet loved, I noticed - a glimpse of hair, long hair.
It was unknown to me to whom it belonged and it disappeared behind the next crossroads.
All that was left was this image of this wavy, silky, long hair.
I wanted to know more about it, moved on towards the intersection and looked into the direction.
Nothing.
Just like always...
Still, something was different and although I was uncertain why, I knew it was.
As I arrived at college, I went into my classroom, took the days' courses, left college and moved home.
It was 6pm and the sun had already set, the night covered the little village I was now living in.

I left my old city because of the college, for good I know, for my future life and for my parents who had lost trust in me when I broke off school, uni, work.
The few friends I had back then were either studying far away or had applied to the army.
For the rest of the people I gotten to know during the past years, I couldn't call them friends.
Friendship is not something you can gain or lose.
It is present or it is not.
I always gave a fuck about people thinking that now that they knew me, they had to add me to facebook or tell me their doubts about their reationships and worries towards the current political situation.
A friend is not what I just described.
It's a person you know, a colleague.
A friend does not have to understand your views or agree on things you say, nor vice-versa.
A friend understands.

I unlocked my door, took of my shoes and placed them on my carpet so they would not dirten the floor.
My laptop was running, I went on said website and wondered why again, three people would want me to add as 'friend'.
I only talked to them once, so I rejected the requests.

My feeds were bursting with news from all over the world..
"The current state is severe in.."
"The UNO requests 11 countires to aid.."
"34 people die in an assault..."
"Highest unemployment quote in the last 20 years.."

Why was I reading that crap?
Our wourld had been doomed since the beginning of humanity and nature will "take care" of us some day.
People only exist to worsen the situation and we will pay off our debts one day by getting wiped out.
Others hate me for my view on this, they insult me but yet are not able to counter my arguments.
They say "It's wrong to think that way" - maybe it is but people are hypocrites for seeing the world through their pink glasses and they know it but don't want to accept.

I closed the feeds, stretched myself, got up to put my pizza out of the oven.
After, I went on IRC to talk a bit about the current airing series, went to sleep while watching a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother.
Just like it had always been.
"To whom" I thought and all I saw was the approaching dream.


Yet I could not foresee that if I weren't get hit by the gust of wind, my life would not have taken this turn...

[Squiggy]

She was beautiful.
I had met her five years ago when I was longing for attention from a girl I was interested in.
Up until then, she was nothing but a friend of hers'.
Blinded by me interest, I didn't notice her, she was there but just not in my view.
Even less when she happened to get the girlfriend of a former colleague of mine.
He's now studying abroad and probably doesn't even know that I redid my finals.

A couple of months passed, I had written thousands, ten thousands of words directed at her, had been there when she was depressed, made her smile, laugh.
She had been suffering from a mental sickness giving her headaches all the time - knowing it wouldn't cure them, I tried my best at it.
Yet, nothing.
I finally gave up on her, knowing she wouldn't notice anyways - she was too young and too stupid.
I came to knew that friend of her better after she had broken up with my colleague.
I knew he wouldn't approve of my behavior but I didn't care.
Weeks, months passed again, but this time, it ended up in me having a relationship with her.
Her long, brown, curly hair,
her perfume,
her perfect shape,
her cute nose,
I was proud that she was meant to be mine.
When she wasn't.
Having myself exhausted for her, writing essays for her, teaching her maths, english and biology, my reward was but to get to know she had approached me only to remake a connection to my colleague with whom she was still in love with.
However, she did not know she had been my first real love - or would not want to recognize it.
My previous relationships with women were different as this one, I thought it was what I had been wanting for long time.
On my birthday, she then broke up with me.
It was over, I knew the next weeks were going to be hard on me since she now was again HIS girlfriend.
I did the same as Barney in the series, suited up, bought myself expensive merchandise and hit up on various girls to compensate for the hole she had left in my heart.
Half a year passed, she left school, I got myself a new girlfriend.
Yet, I bought her the same perfume that girl had, I told her to let her hair grow and noticed that this wasn't what I had wished for.
Months passed again, a year.
Lack of comprehension turned into hatred towards her, I wrote various songs for her, filled with insults, blaming her for various things.
I never recorded a single one, yet the texts are still on my hard disk.
Though time passed, I could not forget a single thing, however I did not want to change my life as I was perfect with the flow things were going.

Once I got drunk due to some colleague's birthday party, browsed facebook and made notice that I was there - I clicked 'poke' button.
Immediately after, I noticed my mistake and closed the page, poured in another vodka in my glass and went to sleep without drinking it.
I do not want to know if anything has happend since then, I did not get a reply from her, but still I want to.

Why?
It's been three years.
Yet, why do I want her to be at my side and at the same time as far away as possible?

What I do know is that things are better the way they are right now and I should not change it.
Was that hair perhaps...?
Hers'?
To whom did it belong to.. "To whom?"

[Duratrix]

A very interesting way to write something.
In the entire story (so far) you seem to be a very insecure person, someone that's unsure about a lot of things.

Some things could've been written better though. A quick example:
"I was depressed but did not know the reason for my feelings and couldn't express them."
This would've been better:
"I was depressed, but did not know the reason for my feelings nor could I express them."

[Squiggy]

Just the atmosphere I wanted to create ^^
There'll be over 9001 plot twists from now on, a disturbing yet relaxing and even sometimes touching storyline combined with comedy and lotsa romance.
Watch out for mindfuck

[Squiggy]

I woke up.
My alarm had been ringing for five minutes but I couldn't bring myself to get out of my bed.
There was no college today, thus no reason to hurry.
It was about 10am when I finished my everyday shower and clothing process, so I decided to grab my laptop and watch a series which was currently airing.
My stomach yearned halfway for breakfast, I paused, went to my refrigirator and closed it again.
"Nothing to eat, eh?"
Just then, I remembered what I had dreamt of.
It was a recurring dream showing me images of my past.
Images of a real, yet distant past which had left me alone.

I knew it was always the same dream, always about the same girl.
I wanted to forget.

My thoughts were suddenly distracted by a roar coming from my coffee machine.
So I poured water into the water tank, waited until I could enjoy my delicious hot drink, full of caffeine.
Just as I grabbed my favorite cup, my hand slipped and all the coffee spilled on my bare feet.
"The fuck!" I shouted, took the cup and put it back into the machine.
My telephone rang, it was one of my colleagues.
"Yo pal, ya know about dat girl in our class? The hot one with curly hair?"
"Sure. What's with her?" I responded.
"I got to meet her yesterday eve in the cafe near your house and she seemed to be really pissed."
"So what?"
He told me, he had invited her for a drink and began to get fancy about her.
"Urm, I don't want to interrupt you or anything but could you get to the point?"
"Well of course-" and there he went again, raving about her breasts and what he'd do with them.
"So you got a boner from getting a girl a drink now?"
"No, listen. Those boobs are delicious. Deeeeeelicious I tell ya!"
"Touched them?"
"No."
"Wimp."
"What th-" I hung up, gave the coffee another try and really succeeded.
"My.. it's still early and he already gives me that crap" I said to myself while watching my episode, drinking my coffee.
The coffee was more delicious than that girl ever could've been.
I had talked to her once in informatics.
The discussion took no longer than five minutes until I just turned around, got away from her.
Thinking back, she might've been pretty and all but intelligence-wise just the same as a slice of bread.

I put on my new jacket, tied my shoes.
The cold stuck me for a moment when I opened the door but what should I do, I had to buy stuff to eat.
The town was awfully quiet for this hour and even more, the streets were empty.
I went past the house where I had received my cold shower the day before, stood still and waited a second.
Another avalanche came down, almost hit me and smashed on the ground.
"Heh, you fucker! Can't touch this!" I grinned and took a step forward.
The next second I knew I had to regret this.
I suddenly was buried in snow.
"People may say 'what you reap is what you sow' but I can't remember asking a fucking field for snow!"
The same procedure as yesterday; brush off snow, shake head, look around if anyone had seen that.
Nobody.

Moving on, I grasped a glimpse of a scent unknown to me.
It was warm, yet chilly.
Sweet, yet fresh.
It was like a thousands of flowers appeared around me, my very figure being ready to dive into the sun which shone upon me now.
A horn yelled, crushing my journey in paradise.
I looked left:

The most beautiful girl I had ever seen stood in the middle of the street.
She had butt-lengthy, lilac-colored, straight hair and -
What was I thinking?!
She was about to be hit by a hugeass truck!
I dashed.
Faster than I ever did without hesitating or weighing that we both could die.
I took a leap - three meters
I reached my hands - two meters.
I let out a cry "Watch out!!" - one meter.
Everything felt unimportant to me, all dizzy - 50 centimeters.
My hands grabbed her slender body - 30 centimeters.
It was all over.
"Wha-?" she wanted to say - 20 centimeters.
She couldn't finish her sentence, I took her my direction by all my force -ten centimeters- throwing both of us into a mass of snow.
My foot got sideswiped.
The pain was terrible.

Instantly, when I looked into her face, I was certain it had been worth to even die.
Two huge eyes looked at me.
I smelled the scent I had grasped before - it belonged to her.
Butt-lengthy, lilac-colored hair, a bit ruffled.
A soft, woolen coat of grey color.
A hand, slapping my face.
"What do you think you're doing?! It's not like I asked you to do this.
Did you even think before you grappled me?!"
"You were about to get killed! What would you expect me to do?!" I returned the fire.
"STUPID!" she said and got up.

The truck had passed by, not even attempting to stop.
A case of hit-and-run driving but I couldn't do anything as it already had disappeared.
I grabbed my thoughts, stood on my feet and looked at her.
She really was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
"Anyways..." she began.
She turned her head a bit down.
"Don't expect me to thank you for this - I'm just returning the favor."
She gave me a slight kiss on my cheek.
I was paralyzed, unable to do or say anything.
"W-well.."
"Shhh. You better get me some tea or do you want me to freeze?"
I nodded.
The scent had gotten stronger, not disturbing.
It was almost fruity in contrast to all the dirty odor I got to smell every day.
Walking besides her made me feel pleasant, although we just had escaped death a few moments before.
She was shivering.
"You really ok? You are-"
"Of course I am!" and sped up.
Trying to catch up with her, I realized, it was the exact same hair I saw the previous day.
"You, you.."
"Shut up now, will you? Just where do you live?"

Did this unreal girl just asked me where I was at home?
Her purple eyes glared at me.
"Uh sure, it's just four more houses down the road." I replied, yet unsure whether all this was reality.
"We better hurry then, I'm cold."
While we were walking down the snowy scenery, I looked at her from the corner of my eye.
She must've been about 1.70meters, about my age - two or three years younger than me.
And she had a terrible attitude.
I knew that attitude from hundreds of anime I has seen so far.
I felt myself an Otaku when the banner 'Type-A-tsundere' came to my mind.
"This must be a dream after all. There's no fucking way in hell this could happen." I thought, trying to get off that banner.
But I got hit by her and it still hurt.
"No, no, no, this is not happening. There's manga and anime for such scenarios."
But yet, she walked by my side, her face showed a bit of anger, a white hair ornament waving every now and then.

Still dizzy, I noticed we had arrived at my door.
I got out my keys, mindlessly unlocked the door and let her in.
She undid her jacket and gave it to me.
Her black boots were now lying near the carpet where I would have placed my shoes.
I grabbed them and put them next to mine.
"Nice place you got there." she said.
"Well.. nice you call it."
"Of course, look at all the stuff you have. There's a flat TV, a laptop, a couch and even a dishwasher."
I started to grin.
"It's not bad living here, you're right."
Looking into my living room, the girl, wearing a grey sweater and matching pants stood in the middle.
"Just no fucking way. It's too much of a cliché to be real" I told myself and pinched my arm.
An immediate piercing pain convinced me once again that I wasn't sleeping.
"So, what would you like? A coffee, tea or juice? Or maybe some booze?"
She faced me, grinned a little bit, then responded:
"Tea. It's cold."
My hands reached for the water kettle.
"Have yourself" I told her and pointed at the table.
She sat down, curiously looking around.
I arranged some cookies and chocolate biscuits on a plate while I was waiting for the tea water to cook.
"What flavo-"
"Apple." she replied before I could finish my sentence.
"Heh, that fits a bit~" I said to myself.
I infused the hot water into my favorite cup along with the last apple-flavored teabag and put it on the table.
"Might want to get some more, just to be sure..." I figured while I sat down.
She still was looking around, it seemed that it was as unreal to her as it was to me.
Words were needed now that I was dazzled by her beauty, by her spirit.
"S-so.. what's your name anyways?" I asked.
She told me.
Silence.

"You.. You know, about earlier.."
The girl looked down on her cup of tea, took a sip and put it back on the table.
Her finger lightly touched the rim of my cup - she started to blush a bit.
She tried to avoid looking at me at all costs.
"I-I wanted to.."
Anyone would be able to know what came next who had seen at least one harem-based anime.
"Just so.. you.. I mean, err"

Silence.
"Thanks."

[pauuliee]

this got me immediately thing the wondergirls song "i want nobody, nobody but chu!"

[Squiggy]

I got WsE to delete a youtube-video post showing this video.
I might want to change the title -.-

[Squiggy]

Rolling cigarettes has always been a bad habit of mine.
My first one was way before laws allowed me to.
Theoretically, Nicotine is an alkaloid found in the nightshade family of plants (Solanaceae) that constitutes approximately 0.6–3.0% of the dry weight of tobacco, with biosynthesis taking place in the roots and accumulation occurring in the leaves.
It functions as an antiherbivore chemical with particular specificity to insects; therefore nicotine was widely used as an insecticide in the past, and currently nicotine analogs such as imidacloprid continue to be widely used.
Nicotine is also found in several other members of the Solanaceae family, with small amounts being present in species such as the Eggplant and Tomato.

In reality, it's inside a cigarette and makes you dependant because it boosts the release of Adrenaline, Serotonin and Dopamin which the human body longs for.

I'm aware that I might up getting a surgery on my lungs and my leg, but I still smoke.
Smoking itself is part of my daily life.
Be it after a great meal or just the obligatoric cigarette alongside a beer r a coffee.
I've already tried to give up on it, counting today, it makes about ten times.
One thing I knew and still know for sure is that I'd give up smoking for a value worth it.
It's not the price, to be honest - I pay about 30 bucks a month.
It's not the tobacco - I smoke 'high-quality' without additions such as Vanilla flavor or preservatives.
One day, I will give up.

[Squiggy]

Snow fell outside.
My small balcony was covered with the white powder, so as I went outside, I made use of the snow shovel leaning by the wall.
When work was done, I lit up a cigarette, inhaled the smoke.
She was 20, of unknown origin and sitting on a chair inside.
I just had met her while risking my life in an action anyone would call me an idiot.
" 'Thanks', eh.." I muttered as I blew out the blue fume.
A door was heard, she stepped outside.
Leaning on the grid, watching the snow fall, she reached out her right arm.
"You know, I used to catch those little snowflakes and eat them one by one."
I looked at the tip of her index finger and saw a flake landing on it.
"Snow's dirty, you know."
That was the wrong reaction.
"Now, guess why I don't eat it anymore."
I took a puff.
Turning my head sideways, I once again felt this unreal behavior.
This beauty was standing next to me, arms crossed and buried in her sweater opening her mouth:
"Smoking's dirty."
As I wanted to reply my usual words, she interrupted me.
"Not that I mind, but-"
I threw my cigarette away without thinking what I did.
"Let's go inside. This cold is killing me."

Back in my living room, I looked at my watch as I walked towards my kitchen unit.
I returned, she was sitting on my sofa.
Grabbing the leftover cookies, I asked:
"It's evening. Do you play on staying longer?"
No response.

I sat down, placed the cookies on the glass table and got back up on my feet.
"The heck, it's supposed to be here..."
Eyes followed me wandering around the room, opening various drawers and cupboards.
About five minuted passed until I found what I was looking for:
A dark-blue rug.
I took my way back to what I called my 'lounge' and handed her - she wouldn't take it.
"Just do it."
"Well, if you insist..." and snapped at it.
My next target was my laptop hooked on to my flat, running all day and night.
"My, I have way too many stuff to choose from, what would you like to watch?"
"I don't care, really. Just nothing too stupid. Also I really hate those forced drama movies where everybody's getting depressed over minor things like a dead pet - and please make it a light-hearted choice; I don't feel like thinking right now."
"Uh-"
"Just don't choose a sitcom or a parody of a movie. I've seen them all."
My mouse passed my anime folder.
"No way I'm gonna show her that" I thought, went back to said folder and archived it with a password.
"You're certainly specific, aren't you?"
"I don't want bad entertainment, that is all, idiot" she replied and buried herself in the rug.
"Heh, I'm so going to use that blanket tonight.."
Finally, I found something meeting all her conditions and started the play.
Can't go wrong wth Amélie...
I was rather impressed that she didn't know the movie as it was supposed to be famous and all and thus I had prepared an alternative, which I could toss away for now... for now.

Halfway during the movie, she tapped my shoulder.
Not saying anything, I waited.
"Would you..?"
"Hmm?"
"Ah, nevermind."

The movie ended with the Credits.
Although she wouldn't ever admit it that she liked the film, I was sure that she did.
The part when Amélie succeeded in helping her neighbor had left a small, yet noticeable impact as she changed her position on my black sofa.
Her feet were outstretched, her sweater puckered as she adjusted her unnaturally long hair so it couldn't get in her way.
I had taken a peek at her every now and then, brought new biscuits and refilled her - my cup multiple times.
"That wasn't so bad, I have to admit." she definitely had to admit.
"Glad you liked it. So you wanted to ask me something earlier? You know, it's been about 50 minutes since then?"
Silence.

"Well, what I wanted to say is- erm.. see it's like this. Ah, no, forget it!"
"No can do."
"Hmpf"
Silence again.

"So.." she started again.
"If you wouldn't mind.." looking at the few cookies.
"Would you, you know.. if possible by any chance let me..-"
"Don't talk on. I know what you're wanting to tell me."
She blushed.
I went into my room, came back two minutes later.

"You see, I totally don't mind, moreover-"
"I kill myself if I mess this up" thinking
"Well, I changed my bedding already and my sofa is extendible. No problem there, no worries needed."

"As long as I can use that rug-" thinking again.

"In that case. It's gotten pretty late and I feel tired, so.." she shily responded.
"Have your way" I gestured a bit, followed by an almost unnoticeable smile of hers'.
"Any special preferences for breakfast?"
"Just don't you dare to enter your room after I closed the door."
"How can you even think that..?"
"A-anyways, I'll be going now. Night."
"Sleep wel-"
The door slammed.

Like hell I wouldn't enter it.
But where was my object of desire?
I felt a depressing sentiment but what was I supposed to do now? Steal it?
I dimmed my light, put out another blanket "This should do" and tuned in an episode of How I met Your Mother, volume at 30%.
After the episode was over, I uttered a step towards my room, which was no more than three meters away from my new roost.
Nothing.
Just to be sure, I put another episode in my playlist.
The archiving had ended by now - god knows why I even did that, I just had met that girl.
With a shrug I went back to the sofa and watched it.
That episode ended as well, a quick glance at the time, 0:21am.
Safe.
Put my mobile phone out, activated my camera.
"I just need to be sure" justifying myself against the sad image of me I had in my mind right now.
I put all my concentration on the door I was trying to open silently.
Those actions are predestined to go wrong but I couldn't stop now.

It worked, the door was pen - about three centimeters.
"God!" I almost cracked up at the sight in front of me.
Nothing but her head were visible under the bed cover and her long hair, lying in a slight frizzled shape yet not out of order, covering half of her face along with a quiet, constant breathing sound.
I made sure my mobile phone was set to Mute and the flash deactivated.
Click.
Got ya.
Closing the door was as hard as opeing it wthout messing my whole ninja action up, but once again I made it without noise.
My feet carried my to my laptop.
I turned on Bluetooth, send picture, confirm, wait, move it in a newly created folder, archive, put a password on it.
I went to sleep.

Roughly six hours later, I woke up by a sunshine.
My instinct told me to look around.
Nothing.
No jacket, no cookie plate on my table, no tea cup.
I went into my room with "Mooorning!" prepared - freezed as I opened the door.
My bed was just like it had been before I -and I was completely sure that I did it- changed it for her.

I sat down on the floor.

"Oh boy, you really need to watch less japanese anime-" I thought but was interrupted by my door bell.