[Spectre456]

Well, the reason I decided to make this thread is that my mind is always full of ideas and I never write them down. I will post various poems and perhaps some stories which will have varying themes.
Hope I can get some feedback from you guys and perhaps some constructive criticism so I can improve on my writing.
I will try to write something new at least every week, and I'll look for some long lost poems I have lying around somewhere.
Anyway, here we go, hope you guys like it.




Sitting alone in the darkness
The relentless demons in my mind
Come out and haunt me
As my racing thoughts go by

I become painfully aware
Of the errors of my past
I breathe in and I digress
This tale is not of loneliness

I hear a creak and lift my view
And the door opens right on cue
The light hurts my bloodshot eyes
And I see a figure standing there

The figure walks right up to me
Lowers her hand and says
I have come for you rejoice
My mind tells me I am saved

[Asobitai]

Why do i think that someone would sing something similar to this in a song?

[Spectre456]

Not sure I get what you mean. Do they sound like song lyrics?

[Shadow Tearz]

i like it alot...but u rushed the ending...

[UnknownFact2]

I kinda like.

[Spectre456]

Thanx UKF and Tearz and yes, I did rush the end a bit........

Next one:


I look around see not a soul
The shadows creep all over me
It’s not too long since Satan said
You’ll be mine when you are dead

I paid no heed to the said words
Thought it was a baseless threat
But now I see in my despair
How since that day my end was set

My wake is darkness, my sleep is swift
My senses lack utmost control
In this realm of death I feel
I’ve learned the true meaning of fear

Do not cry, do not regret
This is not my destiny
This purgatory is just a phase
And I’ve made up my mind today

My courage begets action
I ready myself and scream
Best be ready Lucifer
Open up the gates of hell

[Shadow Tearz]

thats a good one...it so dark that makes me want more...keep it coming spec...
ur good at creating ur ideas...

[Risuzu]

Originally Posted by spectre456

Well, the reason I decided to make this thread is that my mind is always full of ideas and I never write them down. I will post various poems and perhaps some stories which will have varying themes.
Hope I can get some feedback from you guys and perhaps some constructive criticism so I can improve on my writing.
I will try to write something new at least every week, and I'll look for some long lost poems I have lying around somewhere.
Anyway, here we go, hope you guys like it.




Sitting alone in the darkness
The relentless demons in my mind
Come out and haunt me
As my racing thoughts go by

I become painfully aware
Of the errors of my past
I breathe in and I digress
This tale is not of loneliness

I hear a creak and lift my view
And the door opens right on cue
The light hurts my bloodshot eyes
And I see a figure standing there

The figure walks right up to me
Lowers her hand and says
I have come for you rejoice
My mind tells me I am saved

Originally Posted by spectre456

Thanx UKF and Tearz and yes, I did rush the end a bit........

Next one:


I look around see not a soul
The shadows creep all over me
It’s not too long since Satan said
You’ll be mine when you are dead

I paid no heed to the said words
Thought it was a baseless threat
But now I see in my despair
How since that day my end was set

My wake is darkness, my sleep is swift
My senses lack utmost control
In this realm of death I feel
I’ve learned the true meaning of fear

Do not cry, do not regret
This is not my destiny
This purgatory is just a phase
And I’ve made up my mind today

My courage begets action
I ready myself and scream
Best be ready Lucifer
Open up the gates of hell

Free verse? : / I've never really been a fan since it would be better as a short story.

Either way, let's see here... the first has potential, but, as previously stated, is rushed. Since you're going with free verse, you should consider your diction more carefully since you can say whatever you want in each line, effectively. For example, "I breathe in and I digress" is a line in which the word digress doesn't make sense. As well, you might consider using quotes around what the figure says and also determine whether you want to use the pronoun she, since before then you are vague about gender by use of the word figure.

The second... free verse again. Consider punctuation - just because it's poetry doesn't mean you shouldn't use periods, commas, question marks, exclamation marks, dash, parentheses, or quotation marks. It's not bad, but like the first it seems undeveloped to me. You could add more to this.

[Spectre456]

Thanks for the input Risu. ^^

The next one I write won't be free verse and I'll ask for your opinion again.

[aimiko63]

wow.. i'm starting to love poetry.. i love your poems i wanna read more