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(#22 (permalink))
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Otaku
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Between worlds
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Catching Up! -
03-13-2011, 06:42 PM
Forever Yours
We both walked that red brick road Fulfilling our dreams The clock was moving faster and faster Moving on the roads of time We fell down together at once And that was our end of the road ... After the clock was broken My heart stopped as well Life became dark and cold But I still keep on to those memories Maybe not all but certainly I will remember Those words: I will forever be yours!. - This is so true and so sad L. The red ones are merely suggestion for editing. I like the last part the most which is heartbreaking. After that day we meet again We went to this place Near the lake We stayed there for hell knows how long We didn't care because we were together It seemed everything was perfect But still something was missing all along... After some time I became too aware of you I became scared of what will happen Because I was just a stupid brat Who didn't had anything Who could only hurt others But still I loved you I ran away and left you alone You cried and I was thinking what have I done After that we became only friends Years have passed we have changed But those feelings still are in my heart Sorry but I still can't forget our days. - This is a sad poetic story L. The red ones are merely suggestion for editing. When we were Young do you remember when we first met? We were so young ,just little kids ... We used to play so much Running around and being together every day So much fun was those days And so we made a promise to be forever the same... After so many years have passed we met again Holding that promise I asked you a question Do you still remember the promise with me? And u just asked "Who are you?" My world turned around as I walked back without even saying goodbye. Sensation I can't feel your sensation I can never touch you again being alone at nights is painful but there are things that can't be changed living alone without love at all its hard but it’s better than feel that pain again... Moving on without you ... your smile or your embrace it’s almost as learning to walk or to talk all over again if it was so easy to forget... I would have had erased you more than hundred times by now... Trembling and crying at nights is hard Writing this pathetic lines which will never reach you again. My Day Half a day I sleep Other half I'm like a zombie Walking with no emotions at all Living on without you is hard Because there is no smile As it used to be before ... I can't hear you laughing or talking anymore My life became one big hassle When you went away Giving up on life Only passing days without doing anything at all This is how I'm now... Everything started on that day When I bid farewell And plugged my ears with music Never letting go That song which we sang together Still struggling living this life alone When ever I feel alone I remember that day When our first date took place On that bench where I was laying on your knees We spent the whole day alone without anyone around It was the best because I was alone with you And the words which echoed in the wind Words "I love You and Please never let me go" Moving onto the same path Looking at that ring And listening to that same song Which we sang together once I cry for no reason at all But don't worry I'm strong I will live this life once more To the fullest as IT WAS BEFORE! Hour after Hour I do many mistakes Day after Day I try to fix them all But because I am so empty I don't even know how to fix single one of them Searching for the answers I stumble across this beautiful person Who shines brighter then sun itself But we are apart now Maybe for the best or maybe that was a mistake I don't know but all that matters is that u are happy And that was what I always wanted Sorry that I made you cry But I got the same feelings as I did before Let us be the best of friends Without any more mistakes like before! Your Smiling Face. Because of me you cried all night And I didn't even think about it a bit I just knew that I did something bad But it was for your sake Because all I could give you was pain When I recall those days I remember you smiling all the time I didn't want to destroy that smile That’s why I ran away And never contacted you again. No More and Alone. I don't know when i became like this Why I became like this Questions are too hard to answer It's a lot of bother ... Leave me alone I don't want to talk I just want to be alone! Dream which I'm building from my childhood Dream which u helped me with I still got the ring on my pinky finger With the same dream to be with you But that dream isn't my mine anymore So please let me be alone! It was fun. I remember those days Full of happiness I remember my first friends and my first love playing, laughing, joking, crying together it was the best things in our lives. Time passed by we changed a lot. Some of us has grown up And others are far away No matter what we can't be together as before Only thing connecting us are our memories Memories of all the soccer or basketball matches we had All the memories of hide and seeks we played Fighting ... laughing ... getting angry at each other And then making up again I still remember everything that was before Because those memories are full of happiness No matter bad or good we always held each other Pushed up and up to not be left down bellow I know that we will meet again someday And I know that our bond is unbreakable But still do you all remember??? How fun it was??? I ran away from home Thinking of dreams alone Life seemed so beautiful and easy Walking Without any mistakes On that road of dreams Trying to fulfill all of my ambitions I was playing a game which was called Life But I made a mistake So once again I am sitting at that home From which I ran away Still I feel at peace right here Where the people of my life live Where it’s so warm Because of the love that I Feel. What is reality truly I ask? When I was dreaming of life Which never I had I thought that was reality for sure But proven wrong I took up new road From dream world to the real one Having severe injuries I walk Never turning back Never wanting to see those dreams again Because you are there Haunting me like spirit of the past Never letting me go... Just because I said to you Good Bye... I'm tired of thinking Tired of all this thoughts Writing all these words for days I'm at my hundredth sheet of paper Tainted in black ink Still none of them can compare To those words Which were told From the bottom of my heart! I already knew he was at the verge of that place ... I already knew and was prepared too ... Didn't cry one bit Not before I had everything sorted out But when I saw him lying there On that bed in a cold room... I went into a mode where no one could stop my tears crying for hours without counting them I went through this day and few more days await until I let him rest in Peace! And even if I know the answer I still ask why did you go without saying Goodbye? - Your poetic themes are really sad and most of the times take the form of a story. They are straight forward and show your emotions deeply inside every word. Great job and the red ones are merely suggestions for editing. They are for your approval and scrutiny as always. I am looking forward to more of your works. Thank you.  Sorry if I have mixed everything up cause they allow only 10,000 words. 
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(#23 (permalink))
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State Alchemist
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Germany , Delbriuck
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03-13-2011, 06:48 PM
Quote:
 Thanks for all the comments guys! i hope for more feedback :] feel free to criticize because i will take it all and consider what i do wrong
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Happy writing poems -
03-13-2011, 06:58 PM
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(#25 (permalink))
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State Alchemist
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Germany , Delbriuck
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03-13-2011, 07:42 PM
Quote:
well i put my true feelings in em really they were what made me write ;]
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(#26 (permalink))
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Narutard
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Philippines
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03-14-2011, 03:26 AM
i've read many of your poems and i guess you really improve as time goes by. keep up the good work
Most of your poems are quite sad but through those poems, we get to know you better  Quote:
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(#27 (permalink))
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State Alchemist
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Germany , Delbriuck
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03-18-2011, 06:42 PM
They ain't that good but i will still post
Dreaming nightmaires at night I wake up in cold sweat Breathing heavily i stand And walk to get a glass of water Thinking of that dream Which made me wake up tonigh ... On how hard it has truly been And how it changed me for real ... Its good that i am not as weak As i used to be Heart doesn't tremble as before Now i stand on my own two feet... Scars from the past won't heal so fast I know that ... so i won't ever Run away like i used to... From now on i will face What's from the start Was in front of Me! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being just a kid was a bliss I had everything on my plate But when did it all change ? I became spoiled and asked for more Instead i lost everything i had And life became a living hell Never once i asked for help Never once i blaimed anyone Making mistakes every day Was just a part of my life I was just a kid in my teens But my childhood was a dream... Getting everything with my own hands I experianced what life truly was Now its easy to live Because i'v been there and done that... Now i live with the flow Waking up and going back to sleep... I dream of how it would have been... |
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(#28 (permalink))
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Narutard
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ithaca
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03-19-2011, 05:33 PM
These were good, especially the last one. I like how it gives a brief summery of a life and tells your thoughts them. It kinda makes you reflect on how your life has been. For the first one, the theme was good, but honestly when i read it i just imagine some half-a-sleep guy, about to collapse from exhaust, suddenly screaming,"I will face what's in front of me!" and then falls asleep. It just makes me imagine that he had a life changing moment, 30 seconds after he woke up. Just seems kinda strange. But putting that thought aside, the meaning overall was great. I wish i could have a mind set like that.
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(#29 (permalink))
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State Alchemist
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Germany , Delbriuck
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03-19-2011, 07:57 PM
Quote:
 i wrote that half a sleep at night ... just listened to slow song and suddenly i wanted to write something so this is what came out
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(#30 (permalink))
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State Alchemist
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Germany , Delbriuck
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03-21-2011, 09:28 PM
Now i sit and i neglect
Going somewhere far away ... But was there days When i only wanted to escape... Everything changed from that day When i saw what life truly was ... Sitting all alone at cold nights On those streets with many people passing by.. At those times i cried from my heart... No one ever helped me Nor i wanted to get any help ... Only one thought in my mind I want to go back To that place from where i ran away And never again i would escape... That was what i thought But now again when i got up I know that one day i will have to part With people who i love... For once again i will have to live All alone In that place thousand miles away... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why can't i forget Why can't they leave me alone Haunting me from that past Memories of people whom i hurt... Why can't i erase something that was Many years ago... I was dumb i done so many mistakes Everyday for so many years i cry For those memories of mine ... Wanting to escape I started writing them on paper Spilling black ink On that many years table... Mixed words with tears I have many papers on my table Stacked like antique book When i start to read them I see myself hurting and lying to my friends... I would say i am sorry But it won't ever reach them again... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can tell you a story Of a wonder girl... Shes like a mystery to me Showed up like lighting In the darkens of raining night Gave me her hand And told me to follow her for now... Taking her hand i flew away Getting the wings to move on Trough life which i though was already lost This girl was shining like a sun Who showed me that road That start where we both stood Holding each other hands I told her "I love you" Pushing me away she cried Running away i saw her tiers Shining like diamond under the sun Echoing words "sorry i can't be with you" She flew away just like that day When she took my hand I woke up from this beautiful Dream Half crying i went back to sleep Thinking "i don't want to ever wake up again..." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simple and fast ones which i thought off while sitting in the bus :] Close those dors Dors of my past... Turn of the lights of my life That i couldn't remember a thing Drown me in your eyes That i couldn't breath ever again! --------------------------------------------------------------- When i take a blank paper I write in black... Pouring Ink like rain at dark days I can see words ... Mixing in with my own tears Writing of what was in the past And won't ever be again! --------------------------------------------------------------- When u went to that far away place I cliped my wings off and forgotten how to fly What was in the past is only memories right now Stored safely in that large book Which i burn today In this large flames... Because i know for sure i could never reach you again! |
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